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My whole life I had done my best to uphold those rigid tenets—I believed obedience would get me what I thought I wanted: a temple marriage to another Mormon...And then it really hit me: I wasn't a virgin anymore. That part of my identity was gone, and I had to face the fact that, at 28, I had no idea who I was...And though I'm still struggling with my faith , I'm the same Elna I've always been. Now I realize that those were just things I made up to scare myself, to keep me from having to deal with the real questions of what was happening in my life. I don't regret losing my virginity, but I also don't regret waiting. I know now that it's a very personal journey. (en) |